Old Insecurities

This weekend was full of lounging around, a little bit of cleaning, watching movies, reading, and writing. One of the movies I watched was one of my beloved Black films, Love & Basketball, an oldie but goodie. I watched this movie so many times growing up courtesy of my mother and while I know damn near every scene, I always end up dedicating all of my attention to it, even though I’ve seen it a hundred times.

One of the scenes in the movie made me think of some of my old insecurities. In the movie, Monica (Sanaa Lathan) was attending her high school prom and she wore this really cute, short, fitted white dress. Seeing her in the dress, and she looked really good in it BTW, made me think of my own high school prom and high school in general. It made me think of how, for a period of high school, I did not have the confidence to wear anything short or fitted.

Monica's main concern in high school was playing basketball and becoming good enough to make it to the WNBA. My main concern also had to with what I was doing in life but additionally with what I looked like.

In high school I wasn’t bullied and made fun of, at least in my face. I had friends and social circles that I interacted with every day but those aspects of high school did not do much for my self-esteem and confidence. Honestly that was something I had to work on for myself.

I spent a lot of my middle school and some of my high school years working on my self-esteem and confidence and to be honest those aspects were eventually where I wanted them to be.

By senior year I was loving myself completely. I had better self-esteem and no one could take that away from me. I loved looking in the mirror because I loved what I saw and anyone who didn’t did not bother me.

Thinking of my old insecurities, I am thankful for my growth. Thankful that I grew into a confident woman, thankful that I grew into a sexy, self-assured, self-loving woman.

Thinking of my old insecurities, I remember how much insecurities suck. I remember how they make you feel little and insignificant and how they make you want to hide away.

My old insecurities are gone but I do think about them from time to time. When thinking about these old insecurities it just makes me so happy that I overcame them.

It reminds me that I can overcome anything, and reminds me that I’m in a good place, to not take my journey lightly, and to continue to work to keep myself where I’m at.

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